L. Roger Owens and Mary Clare Owens: There’s no right way to pray
During a car ride four years ago, L. Roger Owens asked his 12-year-old daughter, Mary Clare, “Do you want to write a book with me?”
Roger, a professor at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary, is the author of numerous books on pastoral care and spiritual life. He and his wife, the Rev. Ginger Thomas, live in Pittsburgh and have three children.
Yet despite his experience teaching and writing about faith, Roger realized that he didn’t always know how to translate the lessons he shared in classrooms and churches at home. He thought Mary Clare could help.
In the Owens household, bedtime is more than just a nightly routine. For many children, bedtime signals the end of the day’s fun, but for Mary Clare, it was something to look forward to.
It was a time to play with stuffed animals, reflect on the day and talk. She often asked about life after death, how the world came to be and other big questions that don’t have simple answers. Roger began wondering how he could encourage his daughter to have a prayer life where she felt comfortable bringing her questions, doubts and feelings before God.
Mary Clare already was wrestling with big questions by writing her own meditations on them. Rather than seeing the book project that her father proposed as intimidating, she saw it as both a challenge and an opportunity to grow her skills as a writer and thinker.
“Praying Their Way: 24 Prayer Practices for Kids and the Adults Who Love Them” combines personal storytelling with practical spiritual guidance, inviting young readers to see prayer as a natural part of everyday life.
In the book, Roger reflects on his own experiences to explore feelings and situations many young people face. Mary Clare provides an authentic teen perspective through a recurring section called “Mary Clare Says.”
They hope their voices combine to create an approachable and engaging resource that helps young readers discover that there is no “right way” to pray and that faith can be explored through their own experiences and questions.
“Part of the posture of this book is to say, ‘Let’s trust the wisdom of the kids and teach them to trust their own wisdom,’” Roger said.
L. Roger and Mary Clare Owens spoke with Brianna Jackson, Faith & Leadership’s 2026 Charmaine McKissick-Melton Communications Fellow, to reflect on the inspiration behind the book, the writing process and what they hope readers will take away from it.
Faith & Leadership: Mary Clare, what was it like working with your dad?
Mary Clare Owens: It was hard to do it at home, but we would go out to coffee, which was really nice, to spend that time together. It was never really a struggle; it was just fun to write together. I really enjoyed showing him what I had written and how we would talk about how that all fit together with what he wrote.
I feel like the other books that he’s written I haven’t had the opportunity to read, or they’re not really geared toward me, but this has been cool, because I’m like, “Yeah, my dad’s a good writer.” It’s cool to see that he’s able to do this. It was cool to also see my work along with that.
L. Roger Owens: It is true! I’d say, “It’s about time for you to write one of your essays,” and she’d just lock in. Sometimes I’d be like, “Well, you might want to write about this,” or, “Maybe think about this.” She would be like, “Dad, I know what I’m going to write,” and just hammer out those first drafts. She did a nice job!
F&L: In the beginning of the book, you emphasized that children already are spiritual. How should that reshape how leaders approach teaching and discipleship?
LRO: I think it means not assuming that the primary job of teaching is input and shaping and changing. Resist the temptation to correct them in the moment. Because then they’ll just shut down, but there’s so much wisdom already there.
So, it’s a posture shift toward listening and dialogue and leading out rather than only input and teaching and helping them get the right way to do it.
Obviously, there are things kids don’t know; there are practices they can learn. You wouldn’t write a book if we all knew everything.
F&L: You identify two main obstacles to prayer for young people: prayer can feel very personal, and many parents or guardians lack the confidence to help their children develop a prayer life. At what point did you realize that the act of prayer doesn’t have to be so silent and this intimate thing?
LRO: We think of our spiritual lives as so private and individual, and they are in many ways very personal, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t share them with others.
I grew up in a family where we did not wear our faith on our shirtsleeve. We went to church, we were faithful, we did all that stuff, but we just didn’t talk about God in the house. I noticed that that translates into our own home.
So we started having family prayer on Sunday evenings. We’d read a passage of Scripture, and I was just amazed at the insight and the wisdom of the kids and the questions they had about God.
We could just share that without feeling like I had to teach them something or correct them. Just to create that open space for conversation about God and prayer seemed really important.
F&L: In chapters like “Big Feelings,” you reiterate to readers that “all feelings are normal,” including the ones that seem too big to handle. What role can prayer play in helping children navigate complex feelings like anxiety or uncertainty, or big faith questions?
MCO: I have always been a big questioner. I want to know when the universe was created and how, and how long ago. I used to ask God for those answers, but as I’ve learned other ways to pray, and that prayer is not just asking God for things, it’s more just spending time with God. I’ve learned that prayer helps me say to God, “I don’t know, and you do.” And that’s OK! You’re here with me, and I’m here with you. And that’s what’s important.
LRO: With regard to anxiety and mental health in children, my familiarity with mindfulness practices shaped my thinking about this topic. I think the undercurrent is there. It’s OK to show up however we are and not judge our own experience in prayer or how we’re feeling when we show up to prayer, and trust that God is not doing that as well.
F&L: Mary Clare, one of the unique features of the book is the “Mary Clare Says” sections at the end of certain chapters, where readers hear directly from you. What topics did you feel were important to speak to from your own experience?
MCO: I don’t know how we ended up dividing it up. We didn’t want me to write for every single chapter, so he would give me ones that maybe would be more interesting to me.
But there were some that were more difficult to write about. I tried to continue instead of choosing not to write about it, because that’s what the book is about. When things are hard or when you’re not sure how to pray or what you’re doing, work through it and be OK with not knowing.
F&L: Have you tried to use the book as a resource for children in your church community? If so, have you received any feedback?
LRO: I led a five-week Sunday school class at the church where my wife is an associate pastor. It’s the church where we worship. It was a group for parents. One of the things that was so clear is that parents don’t feel like they’re equipped. They’re hungry for resources that can help them lead their kids into a spiritual life and to friendship with Jesus.
One of the moms really loved what we call “morning offering,” and it’s just about praying in the morning by thinking about your day and offering it to God. And she would do this with her kids and she actually said she did it herself many times. That’s been really helpful feedback.
MCO: I have not done a lot of that, to be honest. I told my friends about it. I read a few excerpts to the Bible study that I attend. When I’ve read a couple excerpts, they appreciated it and enjoy it. That’s nice to hear.
F&L: After writing this book, how have your prayer lives changed?
MCO: Oh, man. It’s been easier for me to be a little more intentional with my prayer. I think it was a big learning process as well. I was learning all the things that are in the book as I was helping to write it. I get swept away in the busyness of life and out of a routine of prayer. I’m trying to get back on that, and I think that’s real. I think that happens to many people.
But having the book as something that I can lean back onto is really helpful, instead of just grasping in the dark like, “What do I do? What are these other ways that I can pray?” Now the next time I go on a walk, that can be prayer. Even in my busy life, that can be prayer. That’s important to remind myself even when I fall out of that pattern.
LRO: This might seem surprising or counterintuitive, but it’s giving me a little bit more permission to be flexible in my prayer routines. It reminds me: When I re-read it and think about the book, I remember, “Oh, yeah. There’s so much freedom here!”
My usual prayer routine is to get up in the morning and spend 40 or 45 minutes. Then I always would set my little timer for 20 minutes of silence. And lately, I’ve been like, “I just feel like 10 minutes of silence today.” That’s just fine! There’s a little more flexibility there, especially on busy mornings, without telling myself, “You got to get up early,” or, “You got to do this better.”
I’m pretty sure God doesn’t have a timer to see how long my silence is. And it’s good for me to remember that.
Earlier this year, I spoke to 150 mostly middle school youth at a winter retreat focusing on the Lord’s Prayer. The assembled youth were mostly white, mostly middle class and mostly looking forward to rambunctious free-time activities.
Before I arrived, I had prepared the first two sermons and thought through ideas for the remaining two. On Friday night, I preached about God’s holiness. On Saturday morning, the topic was God’s provision.
Later that morning, as I pondered daily bread and deliverance from evil for the remaining sermons, it hit me in a new way that these were young people, the same age as Jordan Davis and Trayvon Martin and Tamir Rice. Most of the young people at this retreat didn’t look like Jordan, Trayvon and Tamir, but they might attend school with them. Or perhaps they attend schools intentionally built to keep out the Jordans, Trayvons and Tamirs.
I often pray for young people who have died or been brutalized in racially motivated violence. But I have observed that discussions about police brutality against black and brown people are rare in a white youth ministry context.
The more I learn about my own identity as a white Christian youth minister, the more I am convinced that these conversations with young white people lie at the core of my calling as a Christian. I’ve come to know a Jesus who interrupts violence with peace, and hate with love, who doesn’t sit idly by, overwhelmed by a challenge too big to overcome. In drawing closer to God, I have been called into that work of interruption alongside a community of faithful people.
So in that third sermon, I said that God cares about the black and brown young people in their schools and communities who are mistreated and maligned. I said that black and brown lives matter to God, and that God’s protection is made real when we act against mistreatment and the racism in our communities. We live the Lord’s Prayer when we speak and act against racial brutality.
While I had been passionate about the evils of racism in my country, that moment marked the beginning of my journey toward anti-racist youth ministry in the white church. I’m learning that this is not an identity to be achieved — or a place at which I will arrive all on my own.
Rather, anti-racist youth ministry in the white church is a daily practice of calling myself and my fellow white youth ministers to imagine a world in which the lives of black and brown youth are as valued as the lives of white youth, and to work with others in making that imagined world real.
It is a daily practice of vocal repentance of the cultural violence done against people of color in this country and in my community, and of the ways in which I’ve benefited from that violence. It is investing in and partnering with people of color to protect their lives and dismantle the systems that oppress them, allowing them to change me and the content and form of the programs I lead. It is asking my white friends who are also striving to be anti-racist to hold me accountable and challenge me to think bigger about our collective work to dismantle racism.
Since the sermon that awakened me to the work of becoming an anti-racist youth worker, I have been asking God how I might use my role as youth worker and leader of youth workers to empower real change in our culture, our communities and our churches.
How might God use me and the work of youth ministry to usher in the kingdom where daily bread, release from debt and deliverance from temptation and evil is not just for some but for all? How might white youth ministers like me actively partner with those who are hurting — listening and following their lead in transforming the world to be the kingdom of God we plead for in the Lord’s Prayer?
Praying the Lord’s Prayer is a call to a new way of being in the world. Today, in the United States, in our communities, in our churches, and even in our white youth ministries, we need a new way of being. We need to speak honestly about our histories, repent of and repair the harms inflicted, and live the prayers we speak.